A521.5.4.RB_DiazBrian

In order to develop and align organizational values a company must not only believe in their values, they must embody them through action.  Denning wrote “If a companies want to embody certain values, then they have to begin by ascertaining what values are currently operational.” (p. 137).  Embry Riddle’s organizational values can be viewed at http://www.erau.edu/administration/hr-values.html  The values that I chose at the top of my personal list (based on the results of my Workplace Values Assessment) that are identical to Embry Riddle’s are:

•    Character
•    Integrity
•    Honesty
•    Trust
•    Student success

To establish these values action is necessary.  For Embry Riddle it begins with their Leadership Teams.  It is the responsibility of these individuals to make certain that Embry Riddle’s organizational values are a part of who they are as individuals and that they represent these values.  Denning (2011) wrote “For values to take hold, leaders have to live them on a sustained, consistent basis.” (p. 139).  My Director of Graduate Advising espouses character, integrity, honesty, and student success.  By working with her I have not only gained the utmost respect for her but also have adopted her beliefs and positions that are the foundation for what Embry Riddle stands for.  Our student’s success is what drives us.  Our values represent who we are and what we stand for.

We learned this week that the three basic components of an ethical community are: trust, loyalty, and solidarity.  In my position as Graduate Academic Advisor with Embry Riddle, I am responsible for a great deal of trust.  Trust that I will listen to the needs of my students.  Trust that I will assist them when they are having problems (solidarity).  Trust that I hold what they share with me in confidence (loyalty).  It is my goal (as well the goal of my fellow advisors) to be professional and to positively impact the lives of our students.  We must let our actions speak for us.

I witnessed a firsthand example of Embry Riddle’s ethics in action shortly after I was hired.  In July one of the undergraduate advisors Emily, had a student that was graduating.  Embry Riddle however only holds graduation ceremonies once a year in May.  This student’s mother was terminally ill with brain cancer and would not live to see her son receive his diploma.  Emily took it upon herself to go to the Director of Online learning to see if there was anything that could be done for her student.  In order for the student’s mom to see her son get his diploma a private ceremony was held at our offices.  The entire undergraduate team (of about 20 or so) as well as the student’s family attended the ceremony.  The student’s mom was able to see her boy get his diploma.  Needless to say it was very emotional for everyone involved.  When the undergrad team returned, there wasn’t a dry eye among them.  Emily really listened to her student’s story and he trusted she could help him.  She empathized with his situation and went out of her way to help him.  She genuinely cared for her student’s situation.  We learned two weeks later that the student’s mother passed peacefully.  A few days later a package arrived at the office.  It was for Emily.  It was an engraved pen for Emily with the most thoughtful words of appreciation imaginable.  The student also wrote a letter thanking Emily and Embry Riddle for what they had done.  He said it was one of the most special days he had ever shared with his mom and how happy it made her.  This was the day I realized that I was working for the right organization, I realized what they stood for and felt very fortunate to be a part of the organization all because of their values.

I asked myself “What values are missing at Embry Riddle?”  I gave this question serious consideration.  I concluded that I could not think of any.  I was actually astonished that I could not think of any values that are missing from the university.   I found myself looking over the values listed on the website again and in looking them over I reinforced the decision I made to be part of Embry Riddle.  I asked myself “What is missing?” but could not find a definitive answer.  This reflection is a good thing!  I consider myself fortunate that I am part of an organization that allows its employees the opportunity to better themselves.  I may never have considered going back to school to earn a Master’s degree simply because of the cost.  Being in an environment that promotes learning is not only beneficial to my future but allows me to give back.  I look forward to being in a position in the future to have others learn from me.  That through hard work, dedication, honesty, integrity, and character you can succeed.   It will be my goal to “talk the talk and walk the walk” and embody Embry Riddle’s values.  Values that I hold true and believe in.

Denning, S. (2011). The Leader's Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of Business Narrative. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass/Wiley.

A521.4.3.RB_DiazBrian

I learned from this week’s reading just how much I actually might be saying without verbally saying it.  McKay (2009) wrote “You can’t ‘not communicate’ with others.  Without saying a word, you reveal your feelings and attitudes.” (p.59).  Body language plays an important role in how we communicate without words.  This information helped me to understand some of the nuances of non-verbal cues.

 

By recognizing someone’s body language and looking for subtle clues I can receive information during a conversation that the other person may not be aware of.  For instance, if someone is talking to me and is staring off into space, it is safe to assume they are not engaged in the conversation.  If I am speaking with someone and their arms are crossed that could be a clue that they are closed off or are feeling vulnerable.  Recognizing facial expressions, posture, and even breathing can help me to recognize how someone might feel and in turn give me an opportunity to better communicate with them.

For example, just recently at work as I was walking by my co-worker’s desk I said good morning.  I asked her how she was and as soon as I took notice of her facial expression I knew something was not right.  Her eyes seemed heavy (like she had recently been crying) and her expression was somber.  I asked her how she was and she replied “Oh, I’m okay… I guess.”  The non-verbal congruent cluster I had observed told me otherwise (as well as the verbal modifier she used).  Even though I have only known her for less than a year, as her colleague I wanted to let her know that I was there to help.  I asked her “Are you sure that everything is okay, you seem upset?”  She began to sob and explain to me that her poor dog had been really sick and she was worried to death about her.  Reflecting on this I realize now that as I was at her desk that I was also in her personal space.  McKay (2009) wrote “Personal distance has a close sub phase of 1 ½ to 2 ½ feet, which is a comfortable zone for talking” (p. 66).  After some further discussion about her situation I offered some advice and I asked her if it was okay to give her a hug.  She invited me into her intimate space and I offered my sincere feelings with her.  By reading her body language (facial expressions), identifying her non-verbal congruent cues, and respecting her spatial boundaries, I was able to offer comfort to my co-worker and also build our personal relationship.  I was able to communicate to her that I genuinely cared about her situation and was able to strengthen what had previously been only a working relationship.

There have been many (many) occasions where my wife and I share incongruent messages.  Our intimate relationship has enabled us to know exactly what the other is feeling regarding certain situations.  I have been known to have a mild case of OCD.  I am highly organized and I think everything has to be in a certain place in a certain way.  I cannot stand clutter or disorganization.  When she leaves clothes on the floor or dishes in the sink it drives me mad!!!  It is not because she is lazy, it is because she knows she will get to it eventually whereas I see that and I go “Why not just take care of it now and not have to worry about it later?”  But again that’s my “OCD”.  Yesterday we were returning from shopping and she asked me to get my son out of the back of the car (we were in her car).  No problem.  I undid his belt and he hops out of his seat onto the floor board for me to pick him up.  As I do I notice all of the “stuff” my wife has all over the floor board of her car.  Trash, mail, newspapers, you name it, it was in her car.  So I pick him up and I did not realize it but I was shaking my head and made a face as if to say “I can’t believe your car is so messy!”    She said “What’s wrong?”  And I said “Oh nothing… dear.”  But my words didn’t agree with what my body and face were saying. Also as I learned from our readings I was using a verbal modifier that changed the meaning of my sentence (bad idea).  And she was not happy.  She said “I know what you are thinking and it is my car and if I want it to be messy you shouldn’t worry about it!”  I tried to defend myself but made it worse. Even though I said there was nothing wrong my body language and facial expressions and my tone said otherwise.  And it got me in trouble.  I felt bad once I realized what I had done because she is right.  It is her car and she can keep any way that she likes.

I recall recently meeting a co-worker’s husband for the first time.  Getting to know her she shared with me that he had studied martial arts his entire life.  He recently came to work to surprise her and I got a chance to meet him.  I consciously used paralanguage when I met him.  What I did was I altered the resonance of my voice when I introduced myself and had a conversation with him.  I did this because I wanted to be perceived as strong.  I thought it was important for him to view me in a certain way because of how I wanted to be perceived (as dumb as that may sound) as a man.    In hindsight I should just have presented myself for who I am, not who I want to be known as.  I have since seen him a few times and I no longer feel I have to validate myself to feel secure about myself.

I truly try my best to be humble at all times.  I do not talk to others about money, I do not care to discuss religion, and I do not celebrate my accomplishments.  When I read about the hidden agendas the first person to come to my mind was my sister-in law.  At any family gathering she is more than happy to so share her personal views.  She is the person at the dinner party that “knows it all”.  McKay (2009) wrote “This is the agenda of the endlessly lecturing dinner guest” (p.85)  She wants everyone to know what it is she knows and how right her position is.  She is a conservative and her beliefs are very strong.  The problem is that her beliefs are usually based on false information.  I know this because she posts all of her information on Facebook.  I learned in my prior course to not trust everything I read, so I research a lot of her “factual” postings and have found the vast majority of them to be false.  My wife discourages political discussions and I have been asked not to respond to her posts or engage her in discussions because she gets really upset and defensive whenever someone offers their opinion to her.  I learned from our reading that she seems to be coping with some type of feeling of inadequacy.  I found this information to be pretty informative.  I learned hidden agendas can be the “death of intimacy”.  I would agree because after 6 years I don’t know anything about her except for her politics.

Davis, M., Fanning, P. & McKay, M. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

A521.3.4.RB_DiazBrian

When I was a kid I liked to think of myself as quite the comedian.  I enjoyed making people laugh.  I must have been in either 2nd or 3rd grade.  I was on the school bus headed home.  I was doing my best to be the center of attention by telling jokes and making everyone laugh.  There was an older boy on the bus that day and he was wearing his baseball uniform.  He was a quiet kid and I didn’t know him, not sure many of the other kids really knew much about him either.  I think he may have just been riding the bus for this one day.  He must have been in the 4th or 5th grade. 

At this kids expense I thought it would be a good idea to make fun of him.  I joked about him being in his baseball uniform and sitting all alone.  All of the other kids laughed at him.  He didn’t say anything to me and got off the bus.  Reflecting back on it, it is obvious to me now that he was clearly upset at being the butt of my jokes.  I didn’t see him on the bus again. 

A few days later I was riding my bike in the neighborhood next to where I lived.  Who do I see as I’m riding my bike?  It was the boy I had made fun of.  The older, bigger boy I had made fun of.  We were no longer on school property.  He confronted me about making fun of him and proceeded to beat the hell out of me for it.  Deservedly so.  I went home crying like a baby because I paid the consequences for my actions.  I was out of place making fun of this boy.  He probably went home upset and his father told him the next time he saw me to teach me a lesson!  That is exactly what I would tell my son to do.  To never let anyone one bully you or make fun of you.  I learned a valuable lesson that day.  I learned that I should never make fun of someone and to have respect for others.  What I did that day made that boy feel bad and I never considered his feeling because I was being a jerk.  My mother and father had taught me better. Having my ass handed to me was a good reminder that I should treat others how I would want to be treated.

What this experience taught me was to respect the feelings of others.  I had no right to make fun of that boy that day.  Thinking about it all these years later, he taught me a very good lesson.  To be mindful of how my actions might make others feel and of the consequences for those actions.  If I could see that boy today I would say both that I am sorry for what and I would also thank him for what he did.  By putting me in my place and teaching me a lesson I remembered why my parents always preached to me about respecting others.  In an organization or in a position of leadership respect and consideration for the feelings of others to me is very important.  I want to be the type of leader that my team members can rely on and trust.  I want relationships that are built on genuine respect and goodwill.  The very things I failed to show that boy on the bus that day.

 I met my wife in 2008 (for the second time but that is a completely different story) and we married in 2010.  I always found it difficult for me to express my feelings adequately to her.  We had been married for about a year so this was the fall of 2011.  We had just finished having dinner at a local restaurant in downtown Orlando.  We had a “disagreement” that seemed to only escalate further once we got home.  To be honest, I don’t even remember specifically what our argument was about but what came of it remains crystal clear to me.

My wife pointed out to me that I could be very emotionally detached.  She commented that I always seemed to put up a “wall” when we had a “disagreement” and that she didn’t feel close to me.  She was right.  I was putting up an emotional “wall”.  I explained to her that it stemmed from being hurt in my longest relationship prior to her.  I told her how I had been treated and how because of it I seemed to always detach myself.  My wife explained to me that she was not that person and that she would never treat me like that.  It was the most honest communication we had had up to that point in our early marriage.  This self-disclosure has helped us tremendously in our marriage because I am now more honest with my wife about how I feel about certain things.  In our readings this week I learned that “If you are both willing to disclose your true selves, the relationship deepens.  If one or both of you keep large parts withheld, the relationship will be correspondingly shallow and unsatisfying.” 

What this experience taught me was to trust my wife and to be open about myself.  In essence to be a better communicator.  It helped us to build a closer intimate relationship with her.  Because of this experience I have found it easier to “let people in” and share my past.  As an academic advisor I am on a team of 7.  I am actively and genuinely interested in my team members, their families, and how they feel about things.  Had it not been for my wife helping me “break down my wall” I would most likely be very closed off to my team and would have lost out on the opportunity to get to know my team on a personal level.  

A521.2.3RB_DiazBrian

Chimamanda Adichie delivers a compelling springboard story in her video The Danger of a Single Story.  In Denning's The Leaders Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of Business Narrative, Denning lists nine elements or characteristics to a successful spring board story.  Those main elements are:

1. To have a clear and worthwhile change idea communicated by a story.
2. Story is based on actual examples where the change idea was implemented.
3. Story is told through the point of view of a single  protagonist.
4. Protagonist is typical of the audience.
5. The story gives the date and place where it happened.
6. It is clear what would happen without the change idea.
7. The story is told in minimalist fashion.
8. Story has a positive tone and authentically happy ending.
9. Story is linked to the purpose to be achieved in telling it.

Denning (2011) writes "Of all the elements, the four most important are that the idea must be clear and worthwhile and the story must be true, positive, and told in a minimalist fashion." (pg. 64).  In reflecting back on Adichie's video I first examined Adichie's change idea.  She warns her audience that the single story is a type of stereotype that robs people of their identities.  Adichie shares her experience as a child growing up in Nigeria reading British and American children's books.  These books were filled with characters and settings that were not reminiscent of her country of Nigeria.  She speaks of her early writings based solely on the readings she was exposed to and how she had developed a "single story" based on her limited exposure to these materials.  For example she mentions the characters in the books she read all drank ginger beer so in her mind she assumed that everyone must drink ginger beer (even the early characters in her writings).  Children are especially impressionable and I can easily relate to how she could have been influenced by her readings.  As a child (even today I admit) I loved the book, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.  I wanted so badly to believe that if I looked, I could find a closet that could possibly take me to a magical land like Narnia.  I remember going to my friends and family member's houses and exploring their closets to see if in the very back there might be a magical land filled with mystical creatures.  She notes that the single story and that we are more complex than that.

Adichie gives the example of the house boy her family had and the single story she had of him.  Because he and his family were poor that was the only way she could see them.  She felt bad for him and his family because of the way she viewed them.  It wasn't until she visited with the boy's family that she learned a valuable lesson.  That lesson was "not to judge a book by its cover".  It did not occur to her that someone in the boy's family could be capable of making beautiful baskets because they were poor but that is what this experience taught her.  When she went off to college her roommate had a single story of Adichie.  Her single story of anyone from Africa was that they listened to tribal music and were not familiar with modern appliances.  She too had a stereotype or idea of what one should be.  I too have been guilty of stereotyping.  When I was in the 6th grade we had a big dance.  It was my "single story" that if you were not hispanic or black you could not dance.  How wrong was I!  There was a very pretty redhead girl in our class named Lisa.  Lisa was as "white" as could be but it wasn't long before I found out she was the best dancer in the school.  All of the kids made a circle around her as we all watched her dance like a pro.  Looking back I have to admit I feel guilty for the way I perceived this stereotype being a minority because I know how it is to be made to feel stereotyped.

Adichie is the protagonist of her story and her audience are her peers.  You get a sense that she is being honest and genuine in sharing her experiences.  She shares these stories that were formed when she was a child in Nigeria and later on as a college student in the states.  Adichie also does not go in too to much detail in her stories.  She keeps them basic with little detail.  Adichie recalls the time she went to Mexico and was herself guilty of assigning the people of Mexico a single story based on what the she allowed the media to perpetuate.  She notes that to continue in this manner we do ourselves a dishonesty because we are allowing ourselves to be misinformed of others.  She mentions earlier in her presentation that once she began to read literature from her country she began to see that there was not only a single story of her country and the same applied to other parts of the world.  I think her proudest moment was when she spoke about the work her and her publisher were doing.  They started a non-profit to build and refurbish libraries in Nigeria and were encouraging others to tell their stories through workshops.  This is the happy ending Denning lists as one of his elements.  I think she does a masterful job linking her story to the change idea.  She does so by using "What if ..."  "What if her roommate knew about that female lawyer?  What if she knew about the heart procedure being performed at a local Nigerian hospital?  What if she knew the type of music that was being produced with all of the different influences?"  Would she still have the same story of Adichie?

I think the most important thing I took away from Adichie's presentation was that stories matter.  We can use our stories to empower and dignify who we are and that the single story robs people of their identity.  My stories begin in New York and bring me to Florida.  In my story there is conflict and struggles but they do not complete my story.  My story is still being told and I intend to add many many wonderful chapters to my story.  I look forward to writing it these stories with my family and friends.  These stories will enable me to one day be an influential leader.

Denning, S. (2011). The Leaders Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of Business Narrative. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass